‘Years On’ is Coming Right On Time

‘Years On’ is a song title from my favorite musician you might find in this blog too, Novo Amor. You’re probably right, it’s a moniker, his real name is Ali Lacey. Long story short, I figured his music out circa 2018. Two years later, I got the chance to interview him (online, of course!), and four years later, we finally met in person…four times in a 3-month period.

Novo Amor is that type of musician who lets his songs’ meaning be open, so you (too) can interpret his music yourselves. But for me, this writing is my interpretation of ‘Years On’, one of Novo Amor’s songs released back in January 2024. This song would be (or maybe already) in his (currently) newest album, Collapse List.

This song was released at the rightest time, as I unfold myself after having my first solo trip abroad. An awakening trip, I might say, because it’s not about the distance, but more of finding my self worth. Yep, it’s that big.

March, 2023

It started out at the end of March 2023, when Novo Amor announced his shows in Singapore. “Hmm, Singapore,” I thought, as a person who has never gone there before and now felt challenged. 

Anyway, it’s been four years since I interviewed Novo Amor. Knowing that they even made it to Singapore, I feel obligated to have a fun trip going there to give some effort to meet him too.

“Will this be my first solo trip, ever?” I continued the thinking process, wondering if this is finally the time when I have to set sail on a new experience. I’ve been working as a writer all I’ve ever known and have been staying at home since the pandemic. After finally getting a new passport in 2022, I think this’ll be the chance to feed that adventurous side of me, isn’t it? So, I decided to buy a ticket for those 2 Novo Amor shows in Singapore.

But well, oh well, this smort kid apparently took too much time thinking and planning, so she missed out on getting both tickets. Resulting her to look for people who want to sell their SG tickets and asked Ali if there’s any way for her to buy the tickets. But miracle does happen, here’s the reply she got:

We’re here to see you, readers, smile too.

Am I not the luckiest girl alive that night? Considering the entire situation, screaming “YES, I F*CKING AM” wouldn’t be too excessive for me, because I didn’t expect to get anything for free.

Fast forward to December

I’m in the midst of a healing process, after going through big misunderstandings in my family that went on for months, the nature of my relationship, a seemingly never-ending burnout, and such. Bringing these on my shoulder, I expected nothing but going back home safely to my nest, because apparently, the only thing I waited for was the day I watched Novo Amor, live on stage.

Carrying the weight of 2023’s ups and downs, I flew to Singapore. I was totally scared at first, because I’ve prepared everything I could think of, but still don’t know what this trip will hold.

But alas, who’s gonna spend all day long chilling at the hotel when you’re on a trip? So, day one after arriving, I went to TreeTop Walk at MacRitchie Reservoir. Had a 12,6 km walk in total for that day, that equals to 19k steps… including the wrong paths I took.

[insert img2nya, ini caption buat project gantungan] I brought this bag charm project for Ali that I started to make a few days before the trip, so it’s still ongoing in this photo and it was with me along this SG trip 😀

If you wanna read my full itinerary, I probably will share it in another article to avoid way too-detailed sharings in this article. Later, when I have wrote the article, you can click the picture below to know what I’ve been doing in Singapore besides attending Novo Amor’s concert.

The D-Day

The day #1’s show is on. It was a blessed, yet rough afternoon, at least for me. I walked for another thousands of steps, wearing a short dress, rain was falling almost all day long, and I didn’t bring my umbrella. I was on my trip to Esplanade Annexe Studio from Chinatown. It was 7:09 pm when this thoughtful hooman sent me this message:

I’m aspired to at least be this thoughtful.

I was kinda shocked, but of course being happy is beyond all feelings. Confidently, I told him I’m near Esplanade Annexe. Actually I was, if I didn’t get lost (again) that night. Long story short, I made it there one minute before 8 pm (thanks to the free pass, I don’t have to queue *still wanna cry remembering this lovely experience*) with wet shoes and half damp velvet jacket.

After all the walks, the new experiences, the wait, the effort, I finally made it there. It was more of self fulfillment, a new breakthrough in my life, that I was able to watch my favorite musician perform live in another country I’ve never visit before. Not gonna lie, some of you might have taken some guesses too, and some of you guessed it right.

The song still rings in my brain when I’m typing this (and apparently got played on my TV when I’m still writing this paragraph). I cried when Novo Amor played the first notes of Opaline, because it felt like the sound evaporated along with the heavy burdens I carried all these years. I remembered the day I lost my dog, the months of family relationship shattering for nothing, those days when things ended faster than it started. All happened in a split of seconds, then I got my eyes in tears instantly and it grew even bitterly better when ‘Carry You’ was playing.

Such experience of a lifetime,” I thought, not knowing I’m gonna have this “such experience” for four times in 3 months span. I melt.

After the shows, I got the chance to meet Ali backstage then asked for a hug because I knew no one while on this trip, Novo Amor is probably the only human entity I know know. And you know what, it felt like having an older brother getting your back, I felt safer.

Aaand, it happened twice! I came back the next day to cry over ‘Carry You’ again and met Ali backstage to hand him the finished bag charm plus a box of Christmas cookies I bought in a mall. We also had some conversations about experiences in Singapore, who wrote Faux lyrics (it’s Ed!), Scout (for those who know), even relationships. Crazy to think I can talk about personal stuff I don’t talk about with my regular friends, but talk about it with someone I only met (in person) twice!

Not just Ali, apparently, but the rest of the Novo Amor band were extremely kind and friendly! I can’t help but to feel seen in a good way, because I’ve lived long enough knowing the statement “Never meet your heroes”, but now I guess whoever said this must be having the wrong heroes.

And the rest, is history…

The ‘Years On’ Part

I see Novo Amor’s ‘Years On’ as a sense of introspection and a struggle with inner thoughts. I was once a quiet person who often kept her thoughts to herself, rather please other people and do things I don’t actually wanna do. I was passive, not even thinking about having any dreams anymore and living life like a dead person trying to catch some breaths just to feel alive. I was only following situations here and there and trying to get along with it, I was just “sit back and lose”. I have friends and people around me, but the word “love” and their warmth meant nothing to me.

Connecting with God through this solo trip and meeting people who are thoughtful and considerate have brought my willingness to live life again, to share more love with others, because it feels good to be loved and to be cared for. On my way back after meeting Novo Amor band on the second day, I started to feel like I’ve got my self worth back. It felt easier to forgive myself. 

That night, I was sitting on a bench near the venue while calming myself down after meeting Novo Amor band, recorded a 10-minute voice note of me venting and retelling things that happened in the backstage, so I wouldn’t forget it in the future. When I almost reached the end of that voice note, Ali replied to my DM (I bet he’s on the way back already) and I could hear myself talking with teary eyes, overflowing with happiness.

How could I not be?!

I came back to the hotel as a person who can be a little easier on herself, most of her weights are lifted away. She knows that she’ll be okay, and the fact that her life might not be easy, but she has got people around who cares for her, who are willing to do things for her, that she’s okay and she’s brave enough to get through things, “Hell, what I wouldn’t do.

From that night, after forgiving myself, I slowly feel like I deserve to be loved, acknowledged, and be heard in the right way. Things felt simpler, when I wanna do things, I gotta do it. When I wanna have something, I should work for it instead of thinking too much. It won’t be instant, but that doesn’t mean I should stop fighting for it. There’ll be some slow days, when I don’t feel productive, but that’s okay, because life’s not always sunshine and rainbows, isn’t it?

I started to realize that this happiness is not coming from a particular reason, nor the hands of others. It comes from the discovery, the hope, the listening of my heart. It was me being kind to myself, embracing the person I’m becoming, and learning to live with myself. “Happiness comes from within”, as they always said.

The ‘Afterglow’

I started to stop caring when some people said it’s pure luck. No, it’s not. There’s a price I had to pay. It took me at least four years, one online interview, more than five articles for Novo Amor and Lowswimmer, and countless tweets and DMs to finally know and meet them in person, plus another two from listening to Terraform for the first time to writing an article review for free and having an online interview.

Those new experiences in Singapore sealed my old life while creating the new one. A version of me who knows what she wants to do with her life.
A version of me who wants to connect with humans.
A version of me who wants to give more love toward others.
A version of me who’s willing to make a change.
A version of me who slowly forgives herself and knows that she, afterall, is also a human.

And apparently, the fear that I felt earlier is because some parts of me actually died along the way, with the burdens, the problems, the things that held me back from being who I’m supposed to be. Knowing this fact, now I’ll just embrace every fear I might face, because just like some parts of skin that shed, the new ones will regenerate as a better version of it and it’s totally okay.

One thing for sure is that I’m glad I let Ali know that going to Singapore was my first trip abroad, alone. It was also the first time we finally met after the online meeting in 2020. Because a few days before I started writing this lengthy article, I unintentionally did a gallery digging and found some screenshots I took when ‘If We’re Being Honest’ music video was released.

I asked this question that Ali replied, about Novo Amor coming back to my hometown, Jakarta. He literally said that “I really hope it’ll be next year” and turned out it was like a manifesto.

Be careful with your words.

Four years after he said that, I met him four times by the time he made it to Jakarta. It somehow felt like I met him at least once in a year since the last time he hoped it’d be “next year“. I might sound like a little maniac right now, but pouring some extra thoughts over something you love wouldn’t hurt, right? Right?

So now, go, romanticize your life, recognize things that bring you joy. And I’ll be here, making things louder and letting myself be seen, as I quote it again from ‘Years On’ for the last time, “Just to make a sound, make it real loud”, because I know life won’t last forever and this would probably be my peak youth. Adios por ahora!

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